Ahhh sweet, nieve, easily distracted men. How little you do know about the extent of the fairer gender’s researching capabilities. That’s a fancy way of saying stalking. It never really occurred to me until relatively recently, that men were all too unaware of the extent women will go to, to find out every minute detail about the beast she wants ensnare. You are the fly that bounces along merrily, humming your tune, while the spider builds her intricate web and waits for you to fly, smack-bang into it.
I know I am a creep when it comes to guys I find attractive and social media. In fact, the most horrifying thing I can think of would be for someone to download my google history, stand in front of a room packed full of people, and read it aloud. Let’s pretend for a moment the guy I want to bang is named Liam Hemsworth. My google search would look something like: Liam Hemsworth Facebook Photos Album, Liam Hemsworth Facebook Photos Profile Pictures, Liam Hemsworth Facebook Photos Birthday, Liam Hemsworth Facebook Photos Bali Holiday, Liam Hemsworth Facebook Timeline, Ex-Boyfriend Facebook Timelime, Ex-Boyfriend’s new girlfriend’s Facebook timeline, Ex-Boyfriend’s new girlfriend’s Facebook Profile Pictures, My Profile Pictures, Guy-I-wanted-to-bang-last-year’s Facebook Photos, Liam Hemsworth Facebook Photos. You get the picture.
Now I know this is creepy. Borderline neurotic. But I also know, that I am not alone. At university, I belonged to a group of beautiful, funny, intelligent girls who would use lecture time to sit up the back and perve on the two hottest men in our cohort. Let’s call them Brad and Liam. You were either team Brad or Liam. When Brad and Liam didn’t turn up to lectures, we’d simply ogle over shirtless pics of them on their Facebook pages.
And this is just the start. I’ve heard stories of women who work in insurance companies running checks to find a guy’s address. Women who find out what pub a guy goes to and frequent it until they “bump into” him. Women who find out where a guy lives and then just happen to start walking their dog on his street every morning. That sort of thing. At least, for the most part, I can say I’ve never acted on my social media stalking.
There have been guys that I’ve never even met, that I know more about, thanks to social media stalking, than I would if we had been dating for six months. Partly, I blame it on being a journalist and subsequently having an insatiable hunger to know as much about things that interest me as humanly possible. That and not having had sex in a while. Like, a really long while. Like, I’m not even sure I remember how to do it. .. Not relevant.
So how do I know men don’t do this sort of thing? Well, I don’t. Not 100% anyway. But recently two of my male colleagues seemed very surprised when, during our conversation hot uni-guy Brad came up and I was able to instantly pluck out of the internet ether, shirtless photos of him. It was obvious I knew (well) where they were. There’s also been conversations with guys who I’ve known have had a bit of a thing for me (god help their deluded little brains) but who obviously hadn't seen many of my Facey pics. “I had no idea you’ve jumped out of a plane” “Yeah it’s on my Facebook”. That, or they’re just really good liars.
Now, if those situations had been reversed, I would absolutely have seen every pic of theirs on the great wide interweb. Facebook, Instagram, Linked-In, Twitter. The profile of them on their company’s website. That article the local newspaper did when they did some Surf Life Saving thing. A google street view of their whitepages address. Everything. That being said, there’s absolutely no way I would own up to any of this OCD behaviour for risk of an AVO. I’d simply smile, put on my impressed/surprised face and say “I had no idea you went to Spain last year! I’ve always wanted to go there.”